rambling along

Last weekend the girls went to CA to attend Mark's wedding (their father). They had a fun time seeing all the cousins and camping in the woods. Dani has some cute pictures on her blog covering the happenings. They were gone from Saturday until Wednesday, which means they are both swamped with make up work this week and will be probably through the weekend.

On Tuesday afternoon I got a phone call that so surprised me. It was Craig Weber, Mark's best friend and my old friend, who I haven't seen or talked to in at least 12 or more years. This has been blast from the past month for me. A few weeks ago I got an email from Stacy Webb, she had found my blog and sent a comment and we were able to e-chat a bit. Stacy was my friend when I was very small. I don't remember when we became friends but I do remember one year on her birthday, she was in 4th grade and I was in 3rd, her mom let her pick a friend to take to Magic Mountain for the birthday celebration. She picked me. I was so excited. I had never been, although we had been to Disneyland (the happiest place on earth) several times by then. She picked me in up in cool station wagon with the wood panelling on the side, which I still like (hello ~can we say child of the 70's?) and drove down. We spent the day riding rides and having the best time. About a year later Stacy's family moved to a nicer part of town, and my family moved to their old house, which I loved and my parents then lived in for 30ish years. Stacy's bedroom was decorated in green gingham, the wall paper, curtains and bedding all matched and I got to have that room! Whoo Hoo! I loved it. Very frilly and girly, which I was not so much a girly girly but I loved the room. The best part was that it had a secret safe in the floor. Lana and I loved to open it up and look for "clues", we loved Nancy Drew, and we also would try on Mom's jewelry. It was a fun room. It also had a great window that was easy to hop in and out of, as did the boys room next door, a practice I might add that I do not advocate. Outside of the window was my favorite tree. It was a great climbing tree and it also stood tall and big like a brave sentinel outside the window keeping watch. It was so fun to hear from her.

Fast forward a couple weeks and the phone call from Craig, also so fun to hear from him. He and Mark were the "older, cooler, handsome priests" in the ward when I was a wee Merry Miss and Beehive. Everyone had a crush on them. After Craig's mission he came home and married Renee, also from our ward and the nicest girl, and he was my seminary teacher one year. Which was fun. Since I was dating Mark we doubled from time to time and then after Mark and I married they were our "married" friends. We even went to visit them in Hawaii when he was going to BYU out there. Eventually we lost touch as they travelled around the world in pursuit of an education and career and then the divorce. He sent me some photos of the wedding, which I thought was so nice. Maybe we'll actually visit face to face some day. One thing that makes me sad is that he left the church long ago. His boys grew up with out the gospel. I don't know what happens in some one's life that they decide the truth is not for them and that they will be happier outside the church. I have had a number of friends through the years who have done that and I always feel so sad for them.

I guess racking up some sadness is part of the experience. As I was looking at the pictures of the wedding and the festivities surrounding it it was fun for me to see Mark's family, the little nieces and nephews all grown up and his brothers and sisters. One of the sad parts about divorce is losing that family that you have loved. Even though the feelings you once had for your spouse have changed the feelings of love for the family don't, or for me didn't anyway, and I have thought often about the little kiddos that I knew and hoped they were doing well. I always love hearing news of how their lives are turning out. I have felt bad for the girls because they haven't had the close relationship with their cousins and aunts and grandma and uncles that they would have otherwise had. There is a heavy price to pay, one that the world discounts as par for the course, however families are so important and so sacred and special that the losses are hard hitting and the effects long reaching.

I am glad that they now have a new step mother. She is a lovely woman. We have had occasion to spend some time together a couple times now and I always find her gracious, and warm and bright. I know they love her and have fun with her. She is a "wondeful cook" and outdoorsy and loves her dogs. She gives them a different experience and POV than I do, which is a good thing. The girls told me that after the ceremony she turned to them and said "my daughters" and hugged them, which I thought was so nice. It's kind of funny but I feel no jealousy about her, which I think some people suffer with in remarriages, I am just grateful that she loves them and that they have someone else to care about them. You can't have enough people loving you. All my personal experiences with step parents have been positive. My Uncle Nick, who I do not like, even now that he is dead, but I do hope he finds himself happy on the other side, married my Aunt Sonya (from El Salvador) and she had two kids. Aunt Sonya was a beautiful, funny, crazy, loving woman and she and her kids became our family. I, for one, was thrilled to have cousins my own age. Michael Blue and Gina were great and we spent many happy hours in each other's company when we travelled up to SF. Nick and Sonya divorced after Michael and Gina were grown but I know that Gina always considered him her dad, and loved him. They maintained a relationship until his death. To me it's kind of like having a mother in law. I have been blessed to have two wonderful women to be my mother in laws and I love them both. They have taught me things, supported me, been friends, and grandmas, and confidants. It's been a real blessing, and a step mother for the girls will be much the same. It's just an added measure of love and family.