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Too Many To Count Two

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

a new snowball for the Christmas baby

Sierra's been having some car issues. Some resulting from neglect, some just old age. Whatever the cause she called me two days ago, sitting on the side of the road with a car that was just done.
I went to get her and we spent many frustrating and fruitless miles and hours searching for a new car. Everything in the price range she wanted to spend was junk. Everything more was questionable. Michael gave us some over the phone advice that was helpful but just stirred the pot and we didn't know what to do. Picture chicken little and her mother.
Yesterday was a new day. S had decided she wanted to get something pretty nice, that would last her a decade or so and that she could rely on. We went down to the Hyundai dealer and she got this cute 07 with only 44k miles on it. It is in excellent conditions, looks brand new, cute sun roof, 6 disc CD player. She is sitting pretty. She was able to pay cash for it and is in the middle of selling her old car. She's pretty happy about it. I am pretty proud of her. Not too many 20 year olds have enough money sitting in the bank to be able to go out and get a car.

Who knew that parenting adults big kids was hard. I thought, once upon a time in the middle of a sleepless night due to restless babies wanting to nurse and cranky toddlers being 2, that the hard part was at the beginning. HA! I laugh at that now. That is false advertising meant to lure us into reproducing. That sweet baby smell, that cuddly softness, the little round bum that fits in your hand and makes you want to eat them up...deceptive packaging. It's a trap. Then you love them and you're stuck. 16 years later, watch out. They drive, they date boys you hate, they run into things with their cars and miss their curfew and tell you they want to grow up and work in the food service industry or back pack through Mongolia living in a yurt with a bunch of other drifters. ARGH!

What drives me the most most most nuts is when they do not see the opportunities they have, the awesome things they can do. They do not recognize that right now they are free to study anything, learn anything, do anything.

It's hard to describe the worry, the "I'm about to throw up just at the thought of you wasting your life" feeling, the "you are sooooo awesome, why don't you remember who you are" angst that old moms feel.
I distinctly remember one day when my precious Dani, who is a good good girl and was hardly ever any trouble or worry, was up to some shenanigans (as we all do) and I was just heartsick about what to do. It was a particularly tumultuous time, a transitional time for her really, and those are always hard, and in a completely unrelated event I had lost some money. So I was searching for it, and concerned. No one wants to lose money, I was so distracted though that things were slipping through my normally sieve like brain at an alarming rate, so I was looking looking, tearing apart my car in search of this money and my friend Sheila came over and found me in the car. She asked what I was doing, and I told her I lost my money, and then out of the blue just started bawling "I think I am losing Dani" (nothing like a little drama to get you through a tough spot!~ not) Being the good friend she is she cried right along with me. Well, long story short Dani is awesome. She turned out great. and now it's Sierra's turn. Not that she's doing awfully, she's just not quite doing what I want. (darn free agency) and so it goes.

I guess being a mom means shedding a lot of tears. Tears of pain at birth, tears of frustration and tiredness in the wee hours of the morning, tears of sympathy at shot time & not making the dance team time, and breaking up with a boyfriend time, tears of worry...and tears of joy.

and it's my blog so I'll cry if I want to :)

poor Dani, she's always the example when I tell a story. I guess it's because I can remember her :) everyone else is a blur...I suffer greatly from mom brain. Which works out nicely for the children. The other day Lucy was grounded from having friends over and watching TV because she left our house one day and ran to the bus stop on her own and when E and I came out from finding his shoes we couldn't find her anywhere and had to run down the block hoping she was there and safe, and she was, but I was none too pleased. SO the next day she said "can I have Julia over to play" and I said "no you are grounded" and she said "You STILL remember??" sort of incredulously. Sad but true tales of the brainless mom.


c. griffith said...

mine are still little little, but i feel your pain!!! i just think about how i was, and pray that mine make better decisions. i wasn't a horrible teenager, but still...i hope mine are smarter. and...i know that this is the easy part. 10 or 11 years from now...won't be so easy. :) thanks for sharing!

Tori said...

Hang in there Mom! The first time I found a gray hair on my head my daughters asked if I was going to pull it out. I said, "Heck no, I earned this!" (Thanks to you, I thought, but didn't say.)

matt and michelle ray said...

Amen sista'. I cried just reading that and it's not even my blog! ;)

Nicole said...

I cried too! I'm one of those naive moms who think the hard part is now, while my kids are young.....But after reading that I'm starting to freak out. I hate free agency. Okay, not really. How does Heavenly Father watch us all botch up our lives? I know Sierra will make it out okay but I hope she doesn't have to go through too many rough spots before she does. Love you!

Shelly said...

I need more people to just come out and tell me how it is/its going to be and make me kick it in gear to prepare for the storms ahead. Thanks Lana. For being straight.

Debby said...

Being a mom is hard work. Kids provide us with different challenges at different ages. I agree with you about the worry and stress when kids exercise their free agency. You are a great mom! Hang in there.

Head Nurse or Patient- you be the judge said...

I hear you on all that. My first born gave me fits a few times but by comparison to other teen boys- he was great- but not for him at those times. He is a wonderful person- and the trouble he gave us was rather minimal.
I have wondered about S- because I noticed you don't blog about her much- guessed it was either that or she didn't want to be blogged about. And WOW on the savings- that is pretty amazing- especially with today's youth-

Chin up- oh- and the mother brain- I have taken to writing groundings and what have you on the calendar.

Lana said...

well, I don't blog much about Sierra because I don't see her much. Between work and school and friends she is a ship in the night.

Yvonne said...

I totally understand EXACTLY where you are coming from. Being a mom is not easy. I jokingly say (and you know I'm kidding) that I'm not sure I raised my hand for agency ; ) It is so tough to watch them make choices that we don't like, but I guess we have to remember the words of Joseph Smith that we teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves. Just remember that you have taught and you know she has listened, even if at times it doesn't seem like it.