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Too Many To Count Two

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

world's worst tooth fairy

There are many parenting things that I love to do with my kiddos. I love to read stories with them. I love to take them to the zoo, library, park. I love to go swimming with them, to make cookies, to curl up on the couch and watch a movie. I like to play games and go for walks and even to work on projects. I don't mind trips to the dentist or grocery store and usually I enjoy going to church with them. There are a few things I don't love. I don't love driving cross country, I don't love throw up duty, and I don't love going to the school cafeteria for lunch. The kids, however, love for me to come have lunch at school . I don't know why. I sit there and they talk to their friends, but there you have it, they love it and I don't. I always go at least once a year, usually more. Today was a lunch day. It was a guilt lunch day.

Last night H, who is at best our worst go-to-bedder, was having trouble going to bed. She kept coming in my room complaining about the light, or the temperature, or her cheek hurt when she poked it like this, or her tooth hurt. I kept sending her back. Finally she said she just couldn't sleep with a wiggly tooth so I told her to get a wash cloth, hop in bed and wiggle away. Some time later she came back with a tooth in her hand. Great! Now you can sleep.
Well, she went to sleep...and so did the Tooth Fairy. Our TF is the most delinquent, unreliable, awful fairy you could ever have the misfortune of meeting. She rarely comes the first night, doesn't work in bad weather, holidays, on the Sabbath, during summer solstice and sometimes for no apparent reason.

This morning H came to the kitchen while I was making french toast and scrambled eggs (see I'm not a total loser mom) and complained about the TF. Finally I said, "H she's not real, it's me, go get a buck out of my purse." I was expecting her to shrug and run for the money...I thought she knew. Instead her little face crumbled and she started to cry. Then I said (brilliantly) "It's like the EB..." What!?!?! I was interrupted, then she wailed "the EB's not real either! You've been lying to me all these years!!'
let me interrupt this story to say that last Easter she told me she knew EB wasn't real, because it didn't make sense, blah, blah, blah. And I said yes but it's fun so don't tell Lu and Brother, so I thought we were clear on that. Turns out no, or she forgot, or I'm delusional or something.

I hugged her and shhed her and promised to go have lunch with her and please don't tell.

So after play group, Lu and I headed to McD and brought the guilty meals to share at lunch. It wasn't too awful. They changed the way they do it and now there is a table for parents and kids to sit at, instead of with the whole class, and H came along with two of her friends. They mostly chatted, I mostly sat and listened, Lu had fun. At the end H reminded me to stick a dollar under her pillow and we were done. Phew.


nikko said...

This is such a great story. I had to read it again, even though I already heard the whole thing (twice!) at playgroup!

marcia@joyismygoal said...

oh my girl what a day and yes well written, poor H and her shattered ideas lol :) You did well L, you did well

Yvonne said...

Let me just say, as I sit here chuckling--I REALLY AM LAUGHING WITH YOU--at least I hope at this point you are laughing.

You should submit this.

Yvonne said...

As I was reading this I was thinking, this is what I love about blogging--I LOVE reading these kinds of stories. Thanks.

andrea said...

oh haha thats funny! You arent a loser mom at all! your the best! :)

I have a good life said...

Glad you made it up so easily. Sounds like you have three satisfied ladies at your house! :) BTW: I am glad to know that your tooth fairy is frequently late, too. This week, our tooth fairy was actually on top of it and C didn't remember to check for a couple of days. UGH.

Colleen said...

hahaha, I laughed and then re-read this to Ben. What a great mom you are! Really, to go have lunch and to make french toast. I am usually like, "Jackson, how about some dry cereal?"

Lei said...

Glad our house isn't the only one the lame tooth fairy visits! Lol!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha Oh my, I'm a loser Tooth Fairy as well. I forgot three days in a row and finally my daughter, 10 at the time (11 now) said, "Just tell me the truth. There's no tooth fairy." I said, "You're right, it's me". You should have seen her face crumple! But I thought she knew! I had to pay $5 for that tooth- "hush money" so she would keep the whole thing to herself and not tell her sister!

Shuldberg's in Texas said...

I'm glad lunch turned out ok. Whatever it takes to keep our kids happy.

BTW- you are a good mom and you know it!

SevenVillageIdiarts said...

Lana, this is hilareous! I am an unreliable tooth fairy too and my kids are still hanging onto it. . . I can't remember who believes and who doesn't and it's all a big pain. It sure was easier when I only had a few kids. . . the birthday fairy would come decorate and leave miniature notes written to the birthday child. . .tooth fairy left notes too. . . now my kids are lucky to get remembered and some cash at all and the little ones feel gyped because the olders tell them how great the tooth fairy USED to be. Whoa is me.