too sad to even say out loud

D came home on Friday. We have been having a wonderful time seeing her. Sadly we also had a great tragedy on Friday too. We had spent a lot of the day getting D at the airport and her luggage, which arrived on a different flight than she did. J skipped school to come with us she was so excited to see her sister. You can imagine the details and the waiting. It wasn't too bad for us, we visited and had lunch. E was playing with his friend Jake, and the other girls were in school so we only had baby G with us.

When we were finally driving home my friend Sheila, who had E, called sobbing. "There's been a terrible accident," she said over and over. I thought E was dead, or missing or something. It was an awful moment. Then she said Meridith is dead. Shock. Silence except for the sound of her crying on the other end. Then the reaction. There are no words really for the shock, the saddness, the loss. Meridith was D's best friend for many years of growing up, then there was a fall out over a boy, then a make-up, then off to college and they were friends again. She was almost 20 and beautiful and so nice. She and her brother were in Cancun and driving back to the hotel from the ruins in a jeep. Meridith was in the back seat, with no safety belt on. The car flipped, we don't know how. She was thrown. He scrambbled out of and searched for her in the jungle, finally found her unconscious. He gave her a blessing and she awoke for a moment. He said, talk to me you'll be fine. Sing to me. I can't breathe, you sing to me were her last words. And he did. And she died. A family's grief is too big to define.

I knew her well. Watched her leave for proms, swim in our pool, our daughter was part of their family, she was part of ours. They are the kind of family that lots of people feel that way about. Even though we know the plan of happiness and that she is in a better place. And we know she was a good girl and things were right with her it is still so sad. I am, frankly, not even a person who usually gets that upset at death. I know it's the beginning of a wonderful new eternity. But this one is hard. She left a big hole.