Last night I went to a baby shower for a lady in our ward. J was the baby-sitter. I took Lucy and had the others ready for bed, they watched movies for an hour and then J tucked them into bed and did homework on my bed while watching TV and being "in charge". It wasn't a hard arrangement for her.
After the shower I wanted to go watch Survivor at our friends house since we don't have any TiVo capabilities. It took awhile for us to get started and then I ended up not watching because it would have been 10:30ish when I got home and I didn't want J to have to stay up late on a school night. She never goes to sleep when we're gone, which is a good thing.
Here is one of my parenting conundrums. The big girls are capable of being a lot of help. I need their help and more importantly I feel like it is my responsibility to teach them how to work, to how to care for a home, fix meals, take care of children. (for the record also teach E (and of course the little girls) those same things, men should know how to do that and they should do it when they are growing up and when they are grown) When you are a part of a family, whatever the size, you have to help out, work for the common good and support each other. At the same time I don't want to take advantage of them. I want them to have down time to relax and do what they like. When they baby-sit I want it to be as easy as possible and try and give them the same courtesy I would another girl. I like to have the house picked up and kids jammied up if it's later, something easy available to fix for dinner if it's going to be dinner time. I also pay them if I am going out on a date or for another leisure activity. If I am doing something like going to the grocery store or a church meeting or school thing for another kid I don't necessarily pay because it then becomes part of helping the family run smoothly. So I struggle with making that work. I want it to be fair and nice for all. I want to be a good parent and teach the things I should. It's a constant juggling act. I try and be very respectful of their schedules too. Especially when it comes to baby-sitting. If they have something planned with friends that often gets to come first. (which doesn't always make DH happy, he kind of thinks adult schedules should take precedence and truthfully his work schedule and other things he does really do get highest ranking on the family time budget) If they have a lot of homework we'll sometimes leave on a late date so we can put the little ones to bed and they can do their work while kids sleep. It's very wonderful to be able to run out to Wal at 9pm for an "emergency" item and leave kids sleeping and big girls finishing homework.
Another thing that is kind of hard is making sure to spend enough time with the big kids. Yesterday my good friend told me that she hadn't seen her son (who is 17) in 30something hours because they had been busy and her mom had surgery and several other reasons and I was so happy she told me that because she is an awesome mom. Little kids are easy because they
8 comments:
Sounds like you're doing a great job at handling all of the family dynamics. I only wish Spice was old enough to be able to run out and pick something up real fast w/o having to take the kids. But at the same time I don't want her to grow up anymore, she's already growing up too fast.
And, yes, I absolutely would like the pumpkin recipe.
It is a balancing act, for sure. I think that when it comes to older children, the main thing is to be appreciative and acknowledge their schedule.
My oldest is almost 17, very busy, and a good student. I know that if I give her thanks and praise when she helps with the kids, the house, etc. she feels like I am not taking her for granted and is more generous with the time she is home. Also, I try to always show that I know how hard her schedule is. I make sure to listen when she is stressed out, and I also make comments like, "Wow! 2 AP classes and play rehearsals and church stuff!! You really are doing great with all that stuff! I love the way you are handling the juggling of all that." She feels better about being asked to contribute to the family (my loving rephrase for chores, LOL) when she knows that mom "gets it."
Keep up the good work!
This is something close to my heart lately. It is a tricky balance. Our oldest is old enough to babysit and I love that convenience, but I also try to be careful not to take over her life.
I almost prefer to be gone on a school night, because then I know the kid are in bed and Hannah is studying, where if we go out on a Friday she may be missing out on a fun time with her buddies. I don't know!
You are a great mom, and always do the right things for your family. When I grow up, I want to be just like you!
I like your paying vs. not paying system. I will file it away for future reference.
You do sound like a terrific mom!
I dream of the day my daughter can babysit.
lol at the "never leave you alone, need you every minute" strikeout there! ;) I both cherish these times with my little ones, and longe for them to leave me alone a bit at the same time... It is a tricky thing to balance. I think you're doing a great job of it. :)
You are nicer than my parents. We never got payed for babysitting, but then they were also homebodies so they hardly went anywhere.
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