Insomnia

"When I'm worried and I can't sleep


I count my blessing instead of sheep


And I fall asleep,


counting my blessings"


bonus points if you can name the movie this popular 1950's tune came from.



I never have trouble sleeping. It's one of my talents I guess. Sometimes I don't feel well and then I can't sleep but rarely do I just lay awake thinking (what does that say about my brain?)

Tonight after I took Lucy back to her bed I couldn't get back to sleep though. It was very weird. Finally I decided to get up for a few minutes and (what else) go online.

Since we missed conference weekend and DVRed it I have been catching up the last week and a half. I try and watch a couple talks a day and it's been so awesome to hear the messages. Taking them a couple at a time really lets me focus on their meaning instead of blurring all together. I guess I'll have to remember that for the future and try and do the same thing even if I have already seen in once.
Last night I was listening to President Eyring's talk and felt so prompted that his counsel was true and that I need to look for evidence of the Lord's hand in my life, and record it.

"When our children were very small, I started to write down a few things about what happened every day. Let me tell you how that got started. I came home late from a Church assignment. It was after dark. My father-in-law, who lived near us, surprised me as I walked toward the front door of my house. He was carrying a load of pipes over his shoulder, walking very fast and dressed in his work clothes. I knew that he had been building a system to pump water from a stream below us up to our property.
He smiled, spoke softly, and then rushed past me into the darkness to go on with his work. I took a few steps toward the house, thinking of what he was doing for us, and just as I got to the door, I heard in my mind—not in my own voice—these words: “I’m not giving you these experiences for yourself. Write them down.”
I went inside. I didn’t go to bed. Although I was tired, I took out some paper and began to write. And as I did, I understood the message I had heard in my mind. I was supposed to record for my children to read, someday in the future, how I had seen the hand of God blessing our family. Grandpa didn’t have to do what he was doing for us. He could have had someone else do it or not have done it at all. But he was serving us, his family, in the way covenant disciples of Jesus Christ always do. I knew that was true. And so I wrote it down, so that my children could have the memory someday when they would need it.
I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.
More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance—even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened"

I'm going to start doing that, although probably not here. How grateful I am for living counsel. For prophets who know the will and mind of the Lord and can tell us.

back to counting my blessings.
1.conference
2. the DVR
3. a living Prophet
4. a good husband, snoring beside me in my bed
5. a cute daughter to carry back to her bed in the middle of the night
6. a faithful dog to keep watch
7. dear friends
8. promptings
9. my sisters
10. that Dani has been blogging lately and I can take a peek at her life
11. that Christmas is coming
12. talented teenagers who are SO fun and so sweet
13. a boy with a kind heart and a cute little roundhouse kick
14. H to learn with during the day

What's been on my mind, I think :), is H. Our home schooling experience is not what I thought it would be. It's had ups and downs, as one might expect. And I've seen positive results, and I've had frustrating times. And I am now getting tired so I will save the details for another day and will suffice it to say that I was this close to sending her to public school yesterday~ and after some promises (which she won't be able to keep) and some thinking and some prayer I've changed my mind. For a lot of reasons I know I am not a "home schooler" and that this is a temporary journey for our family but at that same time I want to finish this year with her. And to have it be great for her and for me. I love H a lot and she is so sweet and so bright and loving and loves to be home so this is the right season for this. We just have to get more work done so I can call it an academic success too.
Rambling, tired, going to bed to hopefully put those sheep out to pasture.

edited in the light of day: finally went to sleep. When I got up this morning I told H the "good news" that we would continue with our present schooling plans. She was disappointed. I was shocked. We had a good long talk about what we wanted out of education, and for our family. She said she thought she learned better at school and that being home wasn't as fun as she thought it would be.
Pros and Cons Public: She's a worrier and school worries her. She worries about taking tests, and she hates to get up early, and she has friend dramas. But she likes having lunch and recess and friends in her class and says doing work is easier and more fun. She misses me, and Lucy. She gets great grades, learns quickly and is obedient and cooperative at school.
Pros and Cons of Home: She is easily distracted with stuff around the house, like phone calls, TV, playing outside, a stack of books and a little sister all keep her from wanting to learn. It's easy to argue with mom about doing work. She misses her friends and is jealous when the other kids go off to do fun school stuff. She likes being home with me. She is helpful with chores and kind to her siblings in a way that is new to us (but maybe that is just growing up) We can spend a lot of time reading and time following her interests. Problem is she never had much interest so I would pick and she would think "it was boring". Buying curriculum. She loves to do the fun part, and refuses to do the hard part and I don't think it's worth the battle when there are so many other things to worry about and she has an alternative where she has no battle.

I'm really torn because I don't want to be a quitter and I NEVER want her to feel like she failed at it or didn't "deserve to be home schooled" or that I don't like having her around. She didn't, she does, I do. She deserves the best education DH and I can give her. I think that means going to school and excelling there, then coming home and getting the help and encouragement she needs and supplemental activities if she chooses.

Can you tell I am driving myself crazy with this and have been for the last 8-9 months. Argh!